Graham Bruce Fletcher

At the Bar

Haway, man! Watch the shovin’! Ye might be big, but ah’m forst at the bar, ye knaa!

Sorry mate.

Ta. Bin te work?

Aye.

Office, is it?

Nah. The library.

What? Big lad like ye’s a librarian? Where’s yer glasses?

Contacts mate. Better for pullin’!

Ah thowt librarians wesn’t interested in lasses…

Whatever gave you that idea? The best lasses come in the library!

Nivvor! Mind, wor lass likes readin’. She’s got ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ on her Kindle, and that’s given her a few kinky ideas if ye knaa what Aah mean! Got that in ya Library then?

We’ve got better in the library. What do you like?

Efter wor lass? Aah divvent read. Ah’m mair hands-on. Ah wez a automotive technician, ye knaa. Afore the garage went bust. Lookin fer work now. Ah’d like te set up on us ahn, but ye hev te hev a business plan and aal that.

We’ve got books on that.

Ah’m nee good wi books.

We’ve got DVDs too. There’s even a couple of games we could lend you.

Games? Hev ye got Forza Horizon?

I don’t think so. Might be able to get it for you, but things aren’t so good for libraries at the moment. Sunderland could have it, so we might get it inter-library, but I bet there’s a waiting list. New, isn’t it?

Aye, number three in the X-Box 360 Chart. Ah didn’t knaa ye did games.

We do anything mind expanding – except drugs. Mind, we could all do with some, now they’re talking about saving money. It’s all getting more and more about only doing things that make money, not stuff that spends it.

Ye ganna loss yer job?

Could be.

Join the club, mate. Ah thowt ye clever buggers wez immune te aal that. Aal went te the private schools and looked efter yersels.

Not me. Heaton Manor.

Clever, though. University efter?

College. Didn’t have dad’s talent with his hands. Cack-handed cuddy-wifter.

What did yer dad do?

Welder: Swan Hunter’s.

Must be proud of yez then!

Mebbe. Died.

Eeh, sorry, man.

Thanks.

Yez’ve got books wor lass’d like? For her Kindle?

Not Kindle. Books, yes. She’d need a stronger wrist.

Ah’d not complain if she had a stronger wrist… Ye could get me Forza Horizon? And mebbe some stuff aboot startin’ a business?

Maybe.

Which library?

Your local branch. Better go soon; they’re closing them.

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